What is E3? We reporters attempt
to answer this question each year in articles that clog the Internet
immediately after the show, all invariably titled "My Time At E3".
Equally invariably, we fail to convey the essence of what E3 is. We tend
to get caught up in enthusiastically rehashing poorly articulated
stories about killing our editors in Brute Force, often involving arm
flinging and imaginary jabs in the air, or our three day, systematic
hunt to crush the journalists of competing game magazines in Soul
Caliber II (I lost a lot this year, so thats the last Ill mention
that). Disjointed collections of information about how an E3 reporter
spends his time "working" at E3 tends to leave readers envious and
desperately uninformed. No one quite hits the truth, because there is
the "truth", and then there is the truth. Theres more
differences between the two than the cool finger quotations you get to
form in the air if youre reading this out loud. The "truth", you see,
is that E3 is the worlds largest gaming convention. The truth is
that E3 is just the worlds largest attempt to prove, finally, what
Revenge of the Nerds attempted to do so long ago: well financed nerds
are lords of the party.
Whether it was during Smash Mouths nearly private concert at the
invite only NVIDIA party (played pretty well after all the shots of
Jager he kept demanding we bring to the stage), or while waiting for the
large security guards to find your name on their list before letting you
through the police barricade shielding Nokias food, game, and music
riddled bash, I couldnt help but think back to those high school
parties I didnt attend. I mean the parties with the kegs, populated
exclusively by the guys whos only facial expression is that of a smirk,
which they bestowed liberally in the high school hallway whenever you
passed. I thought about those missed parties as I passed from one room
to the other, from the break-dancers to the free open bars and fully
stocked dessert, candy, and dinner tables, and in my mind, I very
articulately shouted at every person who had ever turned me, or anyone
else for that matter, away at the door because we werent cool enough. I
shouted, "Nah nah na na na."
Of course, I stopped shouting when one of the models posing as human
art in the lobby looked at me weird. Ultimately, the truth about parties
is that they get proportionally better with the amount of money invested
in them. Its sad that something so shallow, so simplistic, as money
could be one of the driving factors behind a good party, but lets look
at the facts from a bragging rights perspective. At least in high school
(and a good portion of the college population) a party touting a keg is
considered superior to the average Coke and chips movie party variety,
and a DJ or live band always trumps the CD player, no matter what
selection of tunes is available. Food is always an important aspect of
the party, as there are few fraternity parties that arent enhanced a
bit by the discovery of the communal barbeque, and one knows theyve
reached a higher level of party experience when the quality of the food
is a key aspect of your tales the next morning. Location and independent
entertainment is also an important factor, so a party thrown in a rented
out hotel is a little cooler than the one in the neighbors basement,
and the best parties have a variety of game consoles, pool & air hockey
tables, and video arcades rigged for unlimited free play on hand.
Once a party graduates to a live band, the question becomes one of
quality and celebrity. How good is the band, and how many people outside
of the dancing room will recognize their name? You know that youve
transcended to a new class of parties when the bands rotate during the
course of the night, and its a sign of substantial skill and class to
have numerous stages within different rooms, each dedicated to its own
style and brand of music, be it jazz, hip-hop, rock, or simply a stage
full of break dancers and models wandering around in a complex weave of
motion.
So what is the point? Ultimately, its to suggest that the term
"nerd" is nothing more than another way of saying "future lord of the
entertainment dance" or "yet to mature party king". You see, its all a
matter of resources. While the keg party is considered cool, it also
represents a basic level cap; one cannot transcend it without rather
substantial financial backing. And who better to acquire significant
financial backing than those of us hunched over the computer day and
night, whos natural anti-social skills lend wonderfully to the creation
of super-advanced AI computers to keep us company and refer to us as
"Dave"? Who better to be the next hit musician than the fellow in his
basement writing songs into the wee hours of the night instead of going
to that next party? Hollywood is littered with people who know what its
like to buckle down for some hard work, who got where they were by
transcending cool and being substantial.
So what is E3? Its nerds in their element; a gathering of the
industry to celebrate our own coolness. Its the biggest bash you will
ever attend. Its the ultimate proof that the shy fellow you pass in the
hallway is the same one thats going to someday be able to hire a
modeling agency to cater his after-show parties. So if youve ever made
a Star Trek joke about the Xbox being sent off into the depths of space
and returning a thousand years later as the original founder of the
Borg, stand tall.
We nerds are the kings of the party. We just havent realized it yet.